I don’t know how to start this letter off, but I will just say it; I miss you. I miss the days we spent together doing absolutely nothing, and the nights we spent out until morning. But it’s not YOU anymore that I miss, it’s who you used to be that I miss. It’s the girl that didn’t always have to go out to have fun. The one who didn’t feel like she needed to impress every person she meets. It’s the girl that remembered that I was around that I miss.
You’ve moved away, and promised we’d still hang out. But our ideas of hanging out are two completely different scenarios. I’m okay with Netflix and chips/salsa, you crave anything that gives you attention from the wrong people.
When you were in ICU, I visited you multiple times. I once left my kids and husband in the waiting room for 2 hours to be by your side. I was able to tag along on a work visit to the hospital to see you. I blew up your mother’s phone getting updates, and I had let work know that my best friend was on the verge of dying and I might need to miss work to be there with you.
But where were you when I was having problems? Do you even know that I’ve been in the hospital for preterm labor? No phone calls, texts, not even a simple snap chat to ask about me.
I get jealous seeing you out, having the time of your life. And then I think to myself, “Is she REALLY happy with her life?” I mean, all this partying has done is give you shitty boyfriends that do nothing but abuse you, and deepen your depression. I want so bad to call and hear your voice, but you’ve gotten to where you ignore my calls/voicemails, texts and Snapchats. I’m not important to you anymore. And that’s okay.
Because I pray that you wake up and see how bad you’re hurting those that really care for you. I hope these nights out and the men you’re seeing are worth it. Because you’ve lost one person that saw the real value in you. Not the value of your sex appeal, or partying skills. But the value of your personality, the real one, not the fake crap you put on for everyone else to see.
I hope that one day, you’ll wake up to the damage you’ve caused and will realize that I TRIED. I tried to be there when you needed me. But I can’t be there for you anymore. I can’t stand to watch you destroy your life. And I can’t stand to be the last person you call when you need something anymore. This isn’t a pity letter, but I am in tears as I’m telling you goodbye. But I’m also telling the old me goodbye, the one that was your pushover. That dropped everything to be there when you needed me. I’m done shattering myself and wondering what I can do to help you. Because the truth is you don’t want my help anyways. But I won’t stop praying for you. Because no matter how bad you’ve hurt me, I will always love you.
Sweet Tea Kisses 